{"id":1800,"date":"2014-03-15T09:00:33","date_gmt":"2014-03-15T09:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.exeter.ac.uk\/stoicismtoday\/?p=1800"},"modified":"2014-03-15T09:00:33","modified_gmt":"2014-03-15T09:00:33","slug":"features-death-cafes-by-laura-inman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/features-death-cafes-by-laura-inman\/","title":{"rendered":"'Death Caf\u00e9s' by Laura Inman"},"content":{"rendered":"

Laura Inman, who blogs at The Living Philosopher<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0(Stoic and Literary Ideas as a Guide to Living)<\/em>, explores how the Stoic focus on death can lead to living the fullest, most meaningful kind of life….<\/em><\/p>\n

An article on the front page of the New York Times last week discussed a new type of social gathering that the reporter found to be surprising and, evidently, newsworthy: a \u201cdeath cafe\u201d\u2014a group of people meeting in a caf\u00e9 or diner to discuss death from \u00a0practical and philosophical perspectives.\u00a0 Meeting to discuss any single, given topic is not unusual\u2014think about groups of new parents to discuss child raising, PTO groups, \u00a0or bible study groups. The surprise and novelty of the meetings come from the topic\u2013 death, which our society apparently does not consider discussion-worthy or the topic for passing a convivial hour or two.<\/p>\n

As a practicing Stoic, I find a focus on death normal and advisable.\u00a0 I similarly find it droll that people are intrigued by the question, \u201cWhat would you do if this were your last day?\u201d Surely you should live every day as if it were. Roman Stoicism, as I have extrapolated and adapted it from Seneca, puts death at the heart of how to live a tranquil life and teaches the value of keeping death in mind and living every day as if it could be your last.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

In the Stoic view, death establishes perspective as no other notion can. Seneca describes in an essay how life is not short at all if one lives life fully and points out that the way to do that is to keep death in mind.\u00a0 If you live like you will live forever, you are far more likely to fritter away your time and be left feeling that life was too short or unfulfilled. \u00a0Secondly, the reality of death fosters deeper, closer, and more patient and loving ties with our loved ones:\u00a0 it is axiomatic if you think about it in this way\u2014if you knew that your child would not live out the month, how would you act towards him?\u00a0 That would pertain to many relationships and no doubt make you more appreciative of your relationships and a kinder person.\u00a0 However, one might ask: is it really possible to go around imagining that each time you see a loved one it could be the last?\u00a0 A thought does not take much effort, is free, and quiet\u2013 so, yes, the thought is not too burdensome.\u00a0 But, is it a foolish thought, such as any number of notions that we could entertain throughout the day?\u00a0 It is far from foolish when you consider parents who have sent their children to school only to have them gunned down and movie-goers who have died in the rapid rattle of the semi-automatic; add to that natural disasters, illness, and the risks that we accept from trains, planes and automobiles.\u00a0 A basic Stoic idea: what can happen to someone can happen to you.\u00a0 Last argument in favor of entertaining thoughts of death: even if you play the odds and think how unlikely it is so that you and your loved ones will die soon, if you were \u00a0nonetheless to focus on death, you stand a great chance of valuing life and acting like a better person.<\/p>\n

In addition to defeating procrastination and making us cherish loved ones, death, when contemplated, gives us an appreciation for our own paltry existence; truly our life is terminable, and then there will be nothing (an end or a transition, but certainly not the same thing).\u00a0 Or\u2013if things are really bad, then death is a consolation.<\/p>\n

One author put it generally that \u201cDeath makes life beautiful.\u201d\u00a0 Indeed, although it is really incomprehensible, try to imagine immortality.\u00a0 Then, one remembers the poem by Swinburne: \u201cWe thank with brief thanksgiving \/ whatever gods may be\/ that no life lives forever \/ that dead men rise up never \/ and that even the weariest river \/ runs somewhere safe to sea.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even according death such a central role in my life, I would not necessarily get excited about death cafes because the value of the discussion depends on what is being said about death. There could be discussion about it it that would not be beneficial, but simply depressing because something as potent as death, something that can give such a perspective on life, has to be powerful and it is\u2013 powerfully awful.\u00a0 I can\u2019t like death, which takes away people I love; I can only make use of it. \u00a0Not ever having attended a \u201cdeath caf\u00e9\u201d I can\u2019t know what others say about death, but I suspect there is a lot of trying to reconcile death with life, i.e., trying to feel okay about dying or having others die.\u00a0 As a Stoic, I will simply be pragmatic about it.<\/p>\n

More about Laura Inman:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Laura Inman is a Bronte scholar, lawyer, writer, and aspiring Stoic.\u00a0 Her blog is\u00a0http:\/\/thelivingphilosopher.com\/<\/a>, which features Stoic and literary ideas as a guide to living.<\/em><\/p>\n

Laura’s philosophy<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Who is the Living Philosopher?<\/em><\/p>\n

You are and I am; we should all study ideas, select the best, and incorporate them into a useful philosophy for living. Why are we all charged with this responsibility?\u00a0 In the end, we have to think for ourselves, even save ourselves from our own miseries. \u00a0As for developing our philosophy by borrowing from others, no one has a monopoly on an idea. \u00a0Seneca wrote, \u201cWhatever is true is mine.\u201d \u00a0If a notion suits you, it is as much yours as anyone\u2019s. I have found that the ideas central to Ancient Roman Stoicism, as expressed in particular by Seneca in his essays and letters, resound as sensible, practical, doable, and salutary.\u00a0 I had developed a couple of ideas of a philosophical nature in the course of my college education and literary reading, which I still follow.\u00a0 I have also been greatly misled and made less tranquil than I might have been by many popular notions, such as those about the role and value of emotions and what constitutes success. \u00a0With Seneca as a source and John Keats as inspiration, I work on my own philosophy.\u00a0 Seneca exhorted his pupil: \u201cWhat do\u00a0you\u00a0say? How long will you be a subaltern?\u00a0 Take command and say things which will be handed down to posterity.\u00a0 Produce something of your own. All these men who never create but lurk as interpreters under the shadow of another are lacking, I believe, in independence of spirit.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Laura Inman, who blogs at The Living Philosopher\u00a0\u00a0(Stoic and Literary Ideas as a Guide to Living), explores how the Stoic focus on death can lead to living the fullest, most meaningful kind of life…. An article on the front page of the New York Times last week discussed a new type of social gathering that … Continue reading “'Death Caf\u00e9s' by Laura Inman”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections-on-living-the-stoic-life","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1800","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1800"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1800\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1800"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1800"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/colabstaging.co.uk\/msbackup\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1800"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}